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instant updates check out entries Monday, January 26, 2009 my family visited my paternal granduncle on CNY. the trip was rather fruitful, unlike of the previous visits. this is a story about my cousin, my granduncle's grandson. this is told by his mother. he is a smart kid, a man of his own. he made it to Raffles Institution but later withdraw. the kid simply rebelled the education system in Singapore. he concluded that 1) whatever you learnt is redudant, you can hardly apply it later in life, so you study for the sake of study 2) to put yourself in a more competitive position, you join a CCA and had to stick to it until you graduated 3) those who produce good results are good kids 4) weekends are meant for extra classes and tutitions 5) those who do badly in studies are dislikes by teachers, they get scolded for being lazy and stupid he told his mom he can not live in such a system so her mother sent him to a boarding school in UK. in UK, he studied in the morning and plays sports in the afternoon, he even get to try out different sports every new semester, the school nevers scold the kid for their bad results, and weekends are purely socialising with friends in town! what kind of system is that? THAT IS LIFE I TELL YOU! as i was listening to his story, i begin to see myself in him. every year, my form teacher would request to see my parent because i was a problematic kid. i was reluctant to study and every time i get scolded for bad results. i cried over it many times, thinking i was stupid now i know, it was simply because i rebelled the system, even my mother and brother agreed, too. i knew it was a dead system from the beginning, i did not know how express myself. i am not as fortunate as him to enjoy an education in a boarding school. so i learnt to get used to the local system and luckily made it to NP! i am proud to say that polytechnic is the official start of my education life! i begin to learn a lot of life skills, communciation and myself! however, i am really grateful to Mrs Devan, my history teacher from secondary 1-4. she is the only one who saw my potential, "Joanne, you are smarter than some of your classmates, but their results are better because they are hardworking. You can also do it, you have to put in effort for it." her words were like energy booster to me. i do not know if i will ever see you again, THANK YOU FOR YOUR GUIDANCE! 
Thursday, January 8, 2009 a quote from nicholas' blog: You need to know what is bad before knowing what is good.. i beg to differ! to know is to define it, define bad and good. eveyone has their own way to define bad from good. the best way for me to define bad from good is to learn from experience. haha, surely i am experiencing a lot more than before. experiencing bad from good is so much better thinking what is bad from good. illusions are created when you think, that eventually develops fear in oneself. i am sure that one can never do his/her best when the fear is there. so i suggest this to all: DO NOT THINK SO MUCH! to open to new things, experience new challenges because the person who will benefit the most is YOU! JOJO ALWAYS THINK TOO MUCH, that is what some will say. love is too complicated to me, so i tend to think a lot about it. i came to realise one thing from one of my lectures for Understanding Relationships, my style of attachment in relationship: diminishing. this is very true since i yearn for lots of freedom and fears rejection more than anyone. so experiencing bad from good does not apply to my theory of love and relationship. other than that, i totally enjoys challenges, and was never so bothered by good and bad!
SeungRi(Big Bang)- Strong Baby MV *CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK* He is barely 19 and gets so intimate with girl! too intimate already okay, he is still a boy (he just look older than his age lah..) OMG, it's abit way too hot for his age, but he's like enjoying it so much, enjoying the opportunty to act cool all the way! Haha, that is him! surprise to see his hot abs! omg, he kept it under his shirt very well huh. so wanna see GD's body soon! GD so good as acting feminine, i wonder if he has a beautiful figure like Taeyang and Seungri. haha!
JOJO is no longer a happy-go-lucky girl, losing her usual self to herself. this period of growing up and experiencing life was too taxing for her. she wished that she could be freed from problems by jumping off the building in her dreams, too. JOJO is troubled by: - a classmate of hers - her commitments other than homeworks/assignments - jealousy over friendships - grudges/ unsolved issues with people - family issues JOJO has many things she want to do when she is freed: - to lead a regular student life - to organise gathering for friends - to watch movies at cinema more regularly - smile everyday for simple reasons JOJO hate to feel so defended. she will keep her tears as her greatest weapon for now. maybe banging the wall hard hard can help her to think better. For people who really care: JOJO is undergoing slight depression. She will get mad IF you ask/probe/mention/show concern to her over this blog entry. Thank You. (:
Wednesday, January 7, 2009 i shall simply type out what come straight to my mind now. "i dont know" is jiaying's pet phase, i really hate to say that i dont know, i dont know what i am feeling, i dont know what i am doing, i dont know anything at all. i am not emotional nor anything of such. it is just, i am lost. argh, not exactly. i hate to say i am lost because i am just wondering away aimlessly. what is 2009 to me? nothing, just nothing. just another day. chirstmas was like saturday, new year was like sunday, everyday is like everyday (duh!), very peaceful in mind now, everyday is simply a day why people celebration festivals? what i see fiona xie smiling with a galsberg beer in her hand. new year so fanciful meh? it just another day for me to go school. going to school for the sake of it. i hate it that way. no sense of direction. i always had a goal in mind. but it is gone, i dont miss it at all. my mind is empty. i am just preparing for the future, for my future. perhaps all the thoughts about deferment, the time i made a life decision on my own made me believe that nothing can be as tough as that. just nothing, am i a grown up now? what is my mentality? it is simple. given a task, draw a plan, excute a plan, get things done. that's why, as fast as possible. i have a plan in mind, somewhat determine to excute it. as long as i am not giving in to temptation, i will suceed. but why do i want to suceed? i dont know. lets talk about budget. i want it done quickly. as quick as possible. simply to prove that i am effecient. just proving to people, again. "Joanne is slow" is always running through my head, reminding me to do things quickly, so i will not be critized again. it is just my pride, my ego, not wanting to be defended. defended, that reminded me of someone. the feeling is complex. i am a sucky person, i do not talk to her but take notes of her actions, share it to everyone in a nasty way. ... ... ... ... ... ... (scenes of those evil acts replay in my mind) i hate it. i hate bad dreams. i am able to see my dream, when two boys committed sucside outside my parents room's window. the fear, very unbearable very hard to explain. it was like i was responsible for their death. i could have stopped it. why did i thought that they are doing bungey jumping outside at the window? i was sure it was a dream, but it was so real.. the fear just too real.. the fear of feeling death, seeing death is scary. somehow your vision zoom onto some aunties who said that, "someone died.." you see fingers pointing at where the boys should land themselves at. died already.. .. .. (forcing myself to stop here and talk about other stuff) i feel zero excitment/fear/anticipated for the near future. i dont know what to ask my lecturer to regards of that. i will not miss home too, i am sure about that. i can even visualise how will life be like. i can see the future, in many ways, the way i wanted it to. i dont know if i am happy, i dont know how to be happy. i know and i can sense that the lecturer will send me to shanghai for attachment. i do not fear at all. i know i need a electronic dictonary, a hello kitty handphone. i know what clothes i want to bring over already. i know what i want to buy and get ready when i get there. somehow i know it, just i know it. i can visualise it, i hope they are not illusions because i am depending very much on them. i know next week will be a hetic week for me. super duper one. no fear for it at all. i know i have plans and will excute it. but just too easily taken away by temptations. i am not assuming myself that i will not be taken away, i just know that i just do fine. but i kept forgetting this when i think of that, when i think of this, i fear i will not remember it. ... ... ... ... (speechless again) i dont want to end my post here. i dont feel like it. my mind is empty. very empty. when i reminds myself that 5 weeks to exams is very short, it becomes very scary. when i NOW remind myself that 5 weeks to exams is very soon, it is just very soon. no worries for lunar new year. i brought two dresses already, knowing which to wear on day 1 and 2. i know where to get my heels already. will that be enough? i dont know there is one thing i cannot deny. i put on weight and i dont mind it at all. flebby arms i have are more flebby. i am just contented that i am fat. but i am convinced that a fat man is a happy man. it is like i am losing my hope, since i hit 50kg so let it be. no aims of losing weight anyway. my mind is empty again. i dont want to stop here. i force myself to say i have more to share but i dont know. my mind is empty. my eyelids are heavier. yes, i suppose to sleep now. okay, i am convinced that i shall sleep. i am dozing off soon. (forcing myself to publish post and change font)
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please note best view in mozilla firefox if you found yourself taking a longer time to view my blog, click the refresh buttom again after entering the url, the content will appear almost immediately profile Joanne Chua 19890913 Muddle-headed Often hibernates on Sunday Hougang Secondary School Ngee Ann Polytechnic (BQPE Year 3) affiliate missyhappygolucky messages your tags are precious to me so leave a message before you go archives September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 April 2010 credits reminiscenceslove |