![]() |
|
instant updates check out entries Wednesday, July 30, 2008 the contradicting sotong is making her confessions here. i was suppose to be mad with them, but after some heart-to-heart talk, the rages of resentment disappeared. i was suppose to shout at them so i can put a stop to it. but after reading his blog, i felt i was the not-so-simple one. i felt all gulity and spoke to them as a friend instead. one said i was naiive enough to think that that situation will change for the better. i shall observe it before making anymore hurtful comments about them. i learn many things as a committee member in MDES now. when it's time to shut up, i will. when it's time to do budgeting, i will. when you need help, i will be more than willing to help you. there are also times when i talk at the wrong time. there are also times when i give the wrong comments. i will change and learn to care for others' feelings. after months of being in the comm, i kinda enjoy my workload. it's just right. i take my hats off to all project teams, it's been tough on them. i shall stop my heart from rulling my mind. i know my priorities yet i am not priortising it. emotions is taking me on a ride to destruction. am i really a blur sotong or i have not use my brain to think? i miss You. i've been on a one-sided love All these while. i need more time, to learN to give and take, to learn more about you. you've been caring and Great. i am now a blessed girl, thank you.
Monday, July 28, 2008 My happy lunch break is jeropadised by some unwelcomed VIPs. All thanks to me, my endless sympathy for them. I did not know my tolerance runs dry when i thought that i have accepted YH as YH. To be frank, I was frustrated with him ever since he caused that misunderstanding between yijie and i. He is extremely lousy at cracking jokes, yet he does it all the time. I felt annoyed when he opens his mouth. Every single word he said sounded so fake all of the sudden. He claims that he know how to do the work but always provide me with the wrong answers. He agreed to be the leader for this project, but at the end of the day, i call the shots. Has he ever understand the pressure of being a leader for almost every projects we do? Has anyone ever understands it? I knew i can no longer take it and i thought i could depend on you, you throw it back to me. What he likes to do is to remind me umpteen times that the assignments are due soon. He should just you know, get us down for some serious discussion and distribute the work. He always seems to be in a daze when i conduct group meetings but claimed he catches every details. Then when i receive his part of the work, it was like rubbish. He previously mentioned that he treated WY as a potential threat and shant entrust her with his answers. Now he claims that WY is a nice girl because he analysis things by stepping into her shoes and learn about her plight. Ever since she came to our class, he found his new source of motivation. His grade improved, as expected. He did a project by himself and show it to us later on. I guess he knows that i am not interested in that module too. Of course I am thankful for his efforts but it made me felt I was incompetent. I hate to owe favours and you just made me owe you one. He claims that I did many things for our group and this is the least he can do. It made me felt better but oh well, it cant cool me down at all. I finally lost my coolness and shouted at him when he peeked at my work during lab class. He has been lousy at practical class and i knew he was looking at my screen most of the time in the lesson. I had this feeling that he will take a peek at my work when my PC is out of my sight. I purposely minimised my work and open an internet website and went off. When i was back, i saw my work on the screen. When i ask him did he view it, he said he did not know how to do so he did it. Am i that unapproachable and unwilling to offer my help to you? He could just asked for help, I will surely help and offered you whatever i knwo even it's against my will. He has again and again break my trust for him. I think it's seriously not a good way to start it all out by telling me how bad a person is. I am someone who hear both sides of the story. You just create a not-so-nice impression on yourself. Then you pestered all the lecturers for help and answers. So it seems like you pay the school fees but we dont? Please open ya eyes, the lecturers are not keen to help you out! Everything's spoon-feed to us, what more do you wanna know? There's another one,the way you say "Joanne, wait for me.." at the end of every lesson freaks me out to the max. Maybe you were so sure that I'll stay and yes you got me. Come on, it's time to learn to be independent. Crying solved nothing but create an impression that you are just too weak to even solve your own probs. If you can study and analysis your work so quickly, why not analysis the situation and try to understand us? Ever since you guys joined us for lunch, I was not able to be who i am. We have even made ourselves so clear that we want it only the FIVE of us, not SEVEN. It's kindergarden simple english, or kindergarden mathematics, dont you get it? We have these two idiot laughing it out loud, the loudest. After all that I have suffered, I was accused for the thing i did not do. I felt humiliated, as if my pride was thrown into the big ocean. It was the last straw and i finally teared. I wish I could cry on someone's shoulders for hours. That is the level of tolerance- it's enough. Do you guys ever realised that we are trying to avoid your? I experienced the sense of humiliation, frustration, deprived from freedom everyday. Well, after saying all these, something made me change my opinion on them. I have just read his blog. I can only say that he is a simple man with clear goals in life. I dont know about WY, she never blogs too, but i begin to think that she's just another simple girl. I am seriously confused. I felt i have made the wrong assumptions. He is motivated to study because almost everyone grades' improved, not because WY's presence. It was only now that i understand by resentment towards them. It was also the people i mixed around that made me have so much predudices against them. It was because they were never accepted, that's why i follow the flow. The question is, should i follow the flow? It's just another sleepless night for me, again. It's time to thrash things out.
Thursday, July 17, 2008 miss the moments spent with weina and gang. i guess she misses me too! [AH] na says: joanne i wanna go tanning CHUA PUI SAN JO4NNE says: omg, i just put on weight leh! [AH] na says: you went to weight? CHUA PUI SAN JO4NNE says: yes! haha, now is 49! [AH] na says: 49?! [AH] na says: lol! [AH] na says: still light le [AH] na says: XD CHUA PUI SAN JO4NNE says: where got light?! CHUA PUI SAN JO4NNE says: i sit on your lap you will feel the diff lor [AH] na says: hahahhaha! [AH] na says: we shall see! [AH] na says: XD CHUA PUI SAN JO4NNE says: haha CHUA PUI SAN JO4NNE says: okay i sit on your lap when you play wheelchair bbl, then you roll us, i play okay! CHUA PUI SAN JO4NNE says: HAHA [AH] na says: hHAHHAA [AH] na says: I think went you see me i will look even more shag and man! [AH] na says: =( CHUA PUI SAN JO4NNE says: how come? CHUA PUI SAN JO4NNE says: cause i break your leg? XP [AH] na says: no lah [AH] na says: XD [AH] na says: cause i keep training like this [AH] na says: >< CONGRATUATIONS TO ANG WEI NA! She is officially NP Wheelpower IVP player! (wheelpower= playing basketball while siting on a wheelchair) WELL DONE AND JIAYOU! i promise i will go support you in competition! if i fail to do so... i will wear bikini run around the beach, with my fats bouncing all over the place! LOL! weina must be feeling quite surprised and hounoured to read this. XD
i spent two nights at jacintha's place. her parents are leaving for a short vacation to Genting while her brother's in NS. she will be officially alone at home, thus she invited me to stay at her place. didnt expect my dad to agree with it almost immediately. sebas is staying over too! DAY ONE i dropped by her place on sunday afternoon. i was so afraid that i might lose my way. i was only told to alight at the bus stop near block 605, when she stayed at block 614. man! the place is sure hilly. i turn and turn and turn, climbed several slopes and finally reached. jiaying and sebas were there already. jacintha was surprised that i made my way there so quickly and laughed at my bag! it was big lah, which looked as if im running away from home! HAHA. we played mahjong together. it was a very slow game because jiaying never play mahjong before while i was slow. we played for one hour still at Dong Feng. HAHA, very slow indeed. ended the game at Nan Feng after two hours. i think they are very pek chek with me for two things: 1) i take forever to play 2) my nails are very long and somewhat sharp didnt expect to Wong Twee Tong there! he was shopping with his wife and two daugthers then. his wife looks really adorable and vital with her permed hair. a complete and loving family. his daughters must be very blessed to have him as their dad. he is a nice old man, just a little naggy when he teaches. he crake jokes you know! HAHA. he called me by my name somemore, how nice of a lecturer to remember your name! we went back to jacintha's place while jiaying went home. i hope jiaying could stay, as much as jacintha and sebas hoped. we all know it's impossible that her parent would agree to it. i think it was rather wise of her not to bring it up to them. it will bring nothing but disappointment and might arose some resentment between her parents and her. intended to do some revision for TPM after bath, we ended up watching Korean variety shows before going to bed. i was trying really hard to catch up with the subtitles. we really laughed our lungs out man! these shows are really hilarous, way better than Singapore's. unlike SG's, the guests are very natural and dramatic. i woke up several times in the night because the aircon was too strong. 20 degree clesius siol! i was shivering under the blanket! buay tahan and tuned it to 25 degree clesius and gone back to sleep. DAY TWO i had a test in the morning so i have to wake up much early then the rest. jacintha is really a live alarm clock! she woke me up at 7.15am then gone back to sleep. i really love the toliet. i admired it while i bathe. i know i sounded sick. it was so clear and very was furnished. very similar to a hotel room's toliet, just a little small. you guys should go take a look at it one day. i really enjoyed the travelling distance, it was freakly fast! it was around 30 mintues from panjang to NP. the TPM test was more like some class discussion than a test. audrey and ivy practically comparing their answers by shouting aloud. i had references from wan ying and ivy. it sounds really wrong but i still have to say this- thank god i did not waste my time practising. had MGCN practical which marks the end of my day. freakly fun to use to Profile Projector machine. simple to use, just move the x or y axis and measure the workpiece lor. bao xin said i looked as if i was driving a ship when i operating the machine. met up with panjang crew for dinner at BPP. this time, i dont have to worry about getting home late! left BPP around 8.30 and reach jac's place around 9pm. darn shiok sia! jiaying was upset today and she finally break down. we were all at a lost. i felt that i partly contributed to her stress over the workload in school for making her joining MDES. and it was rather unsensitive of me for not realising anything and told her my personal problem the day before. if you are reading this: do what you think you will feel most happy about, forgo those which brought you unhappiness. although i have a big mouth but i know when i should shut up. if you have a problem, free feel to come to me. i am more than willing to share anything with you. we did some revision at night while watching tv. sebas and jacintha looked super shagged because they had 4 chapters to study for a test of 40 MCQs. i was rather worried for myself. i only practised a few questions for DA open book test tomorrow. those questions are the only few available in the book and are rather simple, quite unbelievable for me. i was never good at this subject. at least i can sleep at ease tonight. DAY THREE woke up later then the rest that morning. i didnt know i felt asleep too! perhaps i was too tired. i felt as if i didnt get any sleep. slept for 10 mintues in class before DA test. mrs law was surprised how come i was so soundly asleep. mrs law and us finally came to an agreement of extending the time from 15 mintues to 20 mintues. there was a total of 10 questions that means i have 2 mins for each questions. chiong arh! i was in a mess when i do the first question. i just woke up, with all my stationaries in my pencil case and my book closed. the time was ticking while i open my book to refer and take out my pencil and calculator. submitted my work before 20 mintues time grace. i was delighted to get 90 marks! unbelievable! i never score so high since semester one i think. i have many people to thank in fact. i'll be in dead shit if sebas didnt borrow me her laptop. thanks vincent for that little tips, it worked out real fine! my day was brighten up. lunch was fantastic! my first time having lunch with jia lu and gang this semester. my first time dining at SIM's megabites this semester. fish and chips was not bad. best of all, i am myself at lunch again. i was seated far from them, never had such a great time since the two people joined us. now i know what was missing all along! went back to jacintha's place to pick up my stuff. i loved the life there. travelling time was short, life was simple- study and home with friends. we are free to do whatever we liked. at the end of the whole journey, i felt jacintha is pretty organised, something im not capable of. sebas is rather quiet and is really really crazy over DBSK and Jaejoong! many thanks to her for inviting me over, i enjoyed my stay! many thanks to sebas for lending me your laptop, i almost die without it. thanks for making the whole stay a really plesant and enjoyable. (:
Sunday, July 13, 2008 it's been quite awhile, many things happened. i got to realise one thing, i can never lead my life the way i used to. i make bigger decisions and facing more politics now. anyway, i left NRA, for good. kenneth made me wake up from my senses. he simply asked: "which are the things you do that brought you laughter and joy?" it's then i realised i was never happy being the person i am in NRA. actually, i got it all wrong. dancers dance for their passion, not for the stage nor anyone else. it was really silly of me to think that a chance to perform on stage will keep me staying. NRA is not the only place for great dancers like me, right? i am now a happier person, too. thank you kenneth. i have bigger responsiblities in MDES now. i am the treasurer and i seriously know nuts about budgeting. the biggest joke of time was when mr low sent me an email to prepare a budget for MDE Prom Night 2009 days after that elections. it was even before the finance gives us a briefing on how to use those excel programs. i met him few times in a week until i felt i met him more than i meet my boyfriend, that is if i had one lah. well, i'm getting the hang of it now. i am also learning to watch my conduct during meetings. i've been behaving like a monkey, i know.. HAHA i am in a dilemma now. class politics. i am feeling apologetic towards Dayna. i felt i was neglecting you and the rest ever since the both of them came along. lunch time has been really awkward, it has come to a situation that i rather shut up. i am disappointed with him too. "i put on a guard on her all these while", this is what he said previously. "i think she is really a nice person", this is what he said now. and come on, he had only listened to her side of the story! dont you think it is unfair to the other party? how could you happily bring up the resentment among them during our lunch break? fed up. is this a challenge to me, to accept or abandon them? i want to stay out of it, but now i cant. all thanks to my overwhemling symanthy. it's pure conicidence that i found this, 李玖哲 - 第五街誘惑 i've been playing this song for around 15 times already. XP some retarded videos, just for laughs to get rid of those rubbish i've been suffering from: 齐天大胜 宪在不准笑- 太陽之歌 齐天大胜 宪在不准笑- 语文课 part 1 齐天大胜 宪在不准笑- 语文课 part 2 there are still a few things that i really miss: 1) the days i spend with weina and gang. 2) the time i spend chatting with kenneth. YOU ARE FOREVER MY SOULMATE, LOVE YA! PS: i was waiting for your call! :( 3) the days when i was working as a promoter. you got to move on girl..
|
please note best view in mozilla firefox if you found yourself taking a longer time to view my blog, click the refresh buttom again after entering the url, the content will appear almost immediately profile Joanne Chua 19890913 Muddle-headed Often hibernates on Sunday Hougang Secondary School Ngee Ann Polytechnic (BQPE Year 3) affiliate missyhappygolucky messages your tags are precious to me so leave a message before you go archives September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 April 2010 credits reminiscenceslove |